Loving What Is

Love what is.

Love your life as it is, right now, in this moment.

Nothing needs to change.

It’s a tricky thing, isn’t it? Loving what is. But let’s define what we’re talking about first.

In this case, when I’m talking about “loving”, I don’t mean it in the sense of being incredibly happy or pleased. It doesn’t mean that we look out at the world and find everything to be just as we would want it to be. In fact, we could be experiencing grief or great difficulty. The word “loving” here can be understood more along the lines of gentle acceptance. An inner kindness or compassion through which we can view the world. A feeling that lacks struggle or resistance. Let the use of “love” here denote the ability to be with something without any need to manipulate, react or escape.

This idea tends to push us into one of two corners. Our inner saboteur loves to play us into these corners. We can hear that inner voice telling us that while the concept of “loving what is” is nice and all….THIS…can’t be accepted. It shouldn't be accepted. Whatever it is that we are facing is too ( unjust, cruel, scary….fill in the blank ), and the idea of doing nothing is outrageous.

Whew! Even typing that feels heavy.

Let’s explore this notion of acceptance. When we accept something, we are not being asked to agree with it. We are not asked to not take any action. We are only asked to accept that what is…is. This situation, circumstance or challenge is happening. It may be painful, but when we resist it we deny ourselves the opportunity to truly feel that pain and allow it to run it’s proper course. When we resist, any action we choose to take will come from an energy of resistance. Anything that comes from this heavy, tense, charged up state can only serve to create more of the same in the world. Loving what is does not ask us to take no action. Loving what is asks only that we face whatever is before us with an open heart and that rather than run into struggle, we open our palms and become alchemists who can take positive and empowering action that changes the world for the better.

Then, some others may go to the opposite extreme. Thinking that acceptance is all that is required (and not truly understanding acceptance) there is a danger to become lethargic and avoid responsibility. We can paint the world with broad strokes of grey, turning away from hard truths or shutting down at the idea of real work. All because we can just “love what is”, right?

Well, that doesn’t quite feel right either, does it? Loving what is doesn’t mean that we disengage from life. Life is wonderful but life is also hard and crazy and sticky. We are here to experience all of it. I’ll say that again. We are here to experience all of it.

Taking the position of resistance or disengagement only serves as our fight or flight reaction - our reaction to trying to escape whatever it is that we can’t sit with.

So here’s a crazy idea. How about we try just sitting with it. We can take action later, or not, but first…just be with it, whatever it is. Be with it. Feel it. Feel it’s essence and energy. Bring your awareness within yourself as you sit with it and rather than analyze just, notice. Your body has it’s own natural intelligence. As does your spirit. As does this world. Allow the process to flow and see where you can find breath.

Loving what is does not ask anything of you other than to take a breath and be with whatever is in front of you now.

Lastly, this idea of loving what is because nothing needs to change seems, at first, to be at odds with coaching. After all, we seek out a coach, inherently, because there is something about our lives that we want to transform.

I just smiled as I wrote that.

I smiled because life is funny. It’s funny that transformation in our lives usually comes as an after effect to the change within ourselves. And that change starts by loving what is for what it is, now. Especially in times when it feels impossible to do so. And it seems that life has designed us to need each other. Because no matter how enlightened or open one may be, we all have our blind spots. We all benefit from someone being there for us, holding space for us. If we are lucky, someone close to us will unknowingly utilize some coaching skills and ask us just the right question. My hope is that we are all so lucky to have many of those people. And, this is also the work of a coach. Someone dedicated to you. To be there with you in your blind spot. To notice. To inquire. To cheer you on.

The goal is not to perfect life. The goal is to meet life with a full and open heart. This is the place that real transformation and innovation come from. This is the space I champion for you to be in, and would be honored to help you find.