Transforming Pain Into Joy
Avoiding pain.
Whether we like to admit it or not, we have all become quite skilled at avoiding pain and discomfort.
It’s a natural human response after all. In many cases it helps to keep us safe and alive. Physical pain is an indicator that something is wrong and requires attention and healing. Acute physical pain creates urgency to act. We live in a vulnerable world where painful, traumatic and chaotic events do occur. Naturally, we’ve developed senses and systems to navigate this.
But what of the pain and discomfort that shows up for us individually that we don’t know what to do with? Physical pain, as much as we don’t like it, can often be the simplest to understand. If you fall and break your arm, we know to go seek medical treatment. A doctor helps us. We get a cast put on. We go home. We heal.
But what of the other kind? The kind that rears it’s ugly head in a myriad of ways and intensities and leaves us in such a state of discomfort that we need to act, but we don’t know how. That moment you feel an important relationship is becoming problematic. The overwhelm from too much happening at once. The slow creeping feeling of not sensing any purpose or joy in your life. The inability to sit still with yourself for even five minutes. What do we do then?
In these moments, there’s really only one path. The one that calls for us to connect with our truest selves and to walk the path that takes us straight through all of the pain, discomfort and fear.
But, that’s hard! It’s painful and uncomfortable!
So wanting to avoid this pain and difficulty we look elsewhere. And boy are there a heck of a lot of other options for us to indulge in these days. Rather than be with ourselves and our discomfort we can instead go eat something, have a drink, watch something on tv, dive into work or being busy, have sex, get drunk/high, have an argument with someone online through our phones. Our smartphones. Which have become the most pervasive and accessible way to avoid reality. Don’t want to be where you are? Don’t want to feel what you feel? Just pull out your phone and dive into a wonderland of options to give you a quick burst of dopamine (assuming you haven’t already exhausted your receptors leaving you feeling lethargic and depressed) - scroll for hours on social media, play games, watch porn or go down a YouTube rabbit hole. It’s all there at your fingertips and who wouldn’t prefer to do that?
Well, we do it until we realize that while it may distract or relieve in the short term, it exacerbates the problem in the long term. I would even argue that it’s part of our natural human design to go on that hero’s journey. We are all the hero of our own stories and every hero must traverse difficulty, challenge and despair. We have to be brought low before we can overcome. It’s like a child being told not to touch a hot stove because it will burn them but they do it anyway. We don’t truly know for ourselves, until we do. Until we experience it for ourselves. And we can’t do better, until we know better.
So…..we got that. Cool.
The question then becomes, how much pain do you need for your story? We all have different thresholds and breaking points. We also like to compare and make things into a competition but what if, the amount of pain in your life is just the perfect amount for you. And what if that pain weren’t the villain. What if your pain is the supporting character in your story to move you in a direction towards the manifestation of your best self.
I’ve had pain in my life. The non-exhaustive list includes growing up as a queer kid in the 80’s. A broken, alcoholic and chaotic family experience. Being bullied. My own experience as a recovering addict. Abusive relationships. Illness. Loss of loved ones. Being suddenly laid off from a job I loved and excelled at. Needing to walk away from another job I was excited about due to having a toxic boss. I could go on. And so what? Pain is relative and we all have it. The question is what do we do with it.
The discussion is complex and nuanced. We can’t overly simplify it. There are things happening in the world that are truly horrifying and unjust. There are things that can happen to us that can just leave us speechless and stunned. I know. And there's nothing that can be said here or anywhere that can just make it all make sense. Anything promising to do that…..to make the pain go away…..is just another fantasy. A fantasy that will demand it’s pound of flesh from somewhere.
So, again, what do we do?
One of my favorite quotes is this:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” - Viktor Fankl
What if your pain is not your enemy? What if it is your supporting character - what is it here to help you achieve?
What if whatever challenge you’re facing is not happening TO you, but happening FOR you?
What if this pain is the precursor for your future joy?
Consider journaling or meditating on these questions - and maybe that could be another step in transforming pain into joy.
❤️
